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Legend of Haru Part 1
Bakayokai no Shomon saga (Idiot supernatural beings and opening gate): Black Dawn Volume 1: The Ancestors Battle Prologue “I can't thank you two enough for doing this” said Reldo the librarian. “No problem. After all, if you need some help, I'll help you. Besides, this tome will be very interesting to me. And a great addition to the Varrock library” replied Haru Axeman, drinking his Karamja rum right out of the bottle. “Yes, that it will be. Say, are you old enough to be drinking that?” Reldo replied. “Who knows, and who cares? If the lowest level n00bs are drinking beer, then what the heck?”, Haru replied, taking another swing. “Yeah.” agreed Haru's friend, Dawnofwar.”I am more of an expert of this world then Haru is, or at least as much as people give him credit for, but this.... this is freaking amazing! They all remembered how it all started. Haru had gotten back to Reldo, after giving the Shield of Arrav to the Varrock museum. They had come back to the Varrock library, when Reldo had discovered what seemed to be a code key. Written in code. It said ”the spelling mistakes are there, for all to see. Read out the letters, and see what you get”. So, they had hunted down the numerous spelling mistakes, which took quite a while. The code translated to: “Avarrocka sewers, tomb of Thunderstrike the Saragorath. Through the skull-marked pipe ye go, and the book in his hands is the key to a grand and baffling mystery.” “Thunderstrike! The ''Thunderstrike! I thought he was just a myth! And he's buried right here in Varrock? Amazing!! but the Varrock sewers are extremely dangerous. We must be cautious.” exclaimed Reldo. “I think I can help you with that!” replied Haru. So he enlisted the help of his friend, Benjamin997. And off they went, to a little-explored section of the Varrock sewers, leaving a few cracked ribs and skulls, fist marks, and scars to say that they were there. The sewers there ''are dangerous, you know. They had been walking for an hour when they came to a pipe with the small emblem of a skull on it. They crawled through and, after about 10 minutes, found themselves in the Edgeville dungeon.\ “The wall should be right here” Haru had said, and, after cracking his knuckles together, sliced and chopped at the wall, with the help of Dawn's rock hammer. The wall deteriorated, revealing the skeleton of a goblin that was holding a book. It wore a strange, gilded gauntlet with a four-pointed star on the side, which Haru also took. So they took the book, and amulet back. So there they were, reading the book. Reldo opened it and began to read…. Chapter 1: The Beginning The mystical land of Gielinor, known to many as RuneScape, has many tales. Some are famous. Some were famous, some were lost to the ravages of time, and others, ones of terrifying, freakish, deathly unspeakable horror, would rather not be told by characters in it. The following has not been read for such a long time that it is mind-boggling. Avarrocka....... Atticus slid down the stairs of his library home. The library and its books are not to be found in Avarrocka, now known as Varrock, but a few of its ancient tomes can be found in Reldo's library, and the building it was once housed in now houses the Black Arm gang's hideout. But back to the story... Atticus Axeman, a well muscled, black eyed, tanned young man with white hair grinned a smile so big, his sister, Zilyana*, thought his face would shatter. “It's today!!!” he yelled in joy. “What is?” she asked. ”the festival of Arrav?” “Nope” he replied. “All God's day?” “Keep trying.” “You mean...” “Yeah! Our Adventurer's Ceremony!!!” “Yes!!!” she crowed in joy.”I've been wanting to use a real sword, even a bronze one, for years!” “What! You mean My ''Adventurer's ceremony?”sneered their arrogant brother, Bolzak. He had spiky red-black hair, and held a hammer.” I thought I heard you saying yours was today. But that's silly. You're too weak with a wooden shield anyway! Ha Ha Ha!” “Bolzak, I outmatch you in Swordcraft and Smithing. Not to mention Mother said I had an aptitude for Magic. And I outmatch all at Prayer.” “But I still am the best, and I bet you can't even touch me in a fight!” “Look down.” said Atticus suddenly. “What?” “I said look down!” Bolzak looked down to see Atticus's foot embedded squarely in his crotch. ”EEEEEYYAAAAAAA-RRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!” he yelled, slamming into the ceiling. “' Those who boast of great skill have not a fraction of the strength that they speak of.' - Ancient Saradomnist proverb number seven.” quoted Zilyana as Bolzak slammed into the floor. ''Later “I shay, that Karamjan rum wash delicioush. Almosht ash good ash the ashgarnian ale. But I can tell you thish, Zilyana,” slurred Atticus. "all the food wash good, becaushe I ate almosht all of the shtuff!” “Yeah, too bad our jerky, arrogant brother tried to hog all the credit.”replied Zilyana “Note the word tried! We had to peel him off of the wall 20 times today! And in front of Lord Walbert!” “I can't believe he did the swan costume thing again, though!” “Yeah! I've gotten used to it after a while, but it's still annoying!” “Where should we go now?” “So how about the Stronghold of security? It's otherworldly, has monsters ranging from 3 to 94, and you can get a mystical teleportation staff that gets you there!” “Okay, but shouldn't we go to the outfitter's? We'll need the right stuff to fight monsters and stuff like that. Also, look out for Yew N00bs.” “What are Yew N00bs?” “A gang of guys that all look alike. They wear green pants, a lime green shirt, and are bald but have a goatee. They pester all civilians, until you PK them, meet around yew trees, and are believed to follow Zamorak.” “You read a lot.” “Course I do. We lived in a library.”she said as their voices faded off into the distance. Later “Uh.... where are we?”Atticus asked. “Haven't the foggiest idea.” His sister replied. “Quite an appropriate response considering I can't see 2 feet in front of me.” chuckled Atticus. They had been walking for days, killing the occasional overconfident adventurer who tried to pickpocket them, and so forth, when suddenly they had wandered into this fog. Neither Atticus nor Zilyana remembered how, but they had traveled to the barbarian village, fought throughout all the stronghold of security, discovered a necromancer's shrine where they had each imprinted their souls so they would be resurrected, and gone north, wandered on to blackened earth. Zilyana muttered something about the fact that they should have a marker or a ditch dug to warn people. They slept in the city of Jindo, and wandered into mist that was becoming increasingly colder. And then they found themselves on a cobblestoned path, through a wasteland of snow and mountains. Every so often, something completely unexpected popped up, like a ramshackle hut, corpses with various degrees of mutilation and in various states of decomposition, patches of red snow, and humongous charred bones, ghost towns, and the occasional Noob corpse, its items lying around for all to see. Zilyana and Atticus picked up items from them, mostly runes and amulets. Vulture clans tried to rip them up, but they sent them running, mostly with fire spells. It was, as Atticus would later nickname it, The Road of the Bane. Then the road stopped. “What the heck? Where do we go now?”asked Atticus. “Look!”Zilyana pointed to a bronze door in the mountain. “It's bronze, so we can smash it!” They ran for the door, swords in hand. “STOP!” the door yelled in a commanding voice. ”WHAT ARE YOUR ALLEGIANCES!??" “I am Atticus Axeman, sworn enemy of Zamorak and follower of Saradomin!” proclaimed Atticus “And I am Zilyana, his sister, also a sworn follower of Saradomin!” Zilyana answered. “VERY WELL, YOU MAY PASS!!!” it said. And it opened, letting them in. “What is this place?”asked Atticus. “The ice caves of Saradomin!” came a voice from a strange man. He was 10 feet tall, possibly the result of some freakish growth spurt, carried an oversized crossbow on his waist, wielded the largest axe you will ever see, and had a long, fiery red beard. ”I am Lord Blaxwick, guide to these dungeons of the Frozen North. Saradomnists get this map, and you need it more than anyone, for you have a long, troubled destiny ahead, considering Gielinor's seemingly endless bloodshed.” Atticus and Zilyana followed Blaxwick through the tunnels to a large cavern that seemingly defied all known laws of existence. “You need Level 60 agility to get through this,” said Blaxwick, looking at the vast atrium in front of them. It was amazing. Small ice platforms floated in the air, sort of like stairways. Men, women, and Saradomin knows what else scurried upon them. Large thorns came from the wall, and particularly long and thin ones connected to the large 'Island' in the middle, which was covered with grass. Tall quartz-like buildings pointed up to the large thick glass ceiling, where Atticus assumed they would look just like odd 3 or 4 story buildings. The towers were indescribably tall. One could probably fit up to 15 stronghold of security levels in it! “Oh, people react that way to the Lost North Kingdom of Eisenmeteor all the time,” said Blaxwick. ”Besides, you have to get there!” “So, how do we do it?”asked Atticus. “The spikes?”suggested Zilyana. “Great idea!”answered her brother. ”Go!” They ran like heck to a spike. After about 12 spikes, they stopped and rested. “Look, the ice is cracking!” she exclaimed. “They can't stand our weight!” Atticus agreed. Then all the 11 other spikes they had crossed spontaneously shattered. “We're trapped!” she yelled.” Oh well, it could be worse!” “It just did!! Look!” Atticus pointed. A humongous lizard thing with swords that had 10 wings was flying toward them.”Fire Strike! Fire Blast! Fire Bomb! Phoenixflame! Lava blitz! Lava big boom!” he yelled. But each fire spell did nothing to stop it! In fact, it seemed to grow tenfold! “Let me try!”exclaimed Zilyana.”Fire Blitzkrieg! Fire Strike! Fire Blast! Fire Bomb! Phoenixflame! Lava blitz! Lava big boom!”but once again, the monster expanded! “Okay, so magic won't work, how about ranged combat!” she got out her 8 launcher crossbow, but the monster swatted them like fleas! “FOR CRIPES SAKE, WHAT THE ________ WILL WORK THEN?!!!!?!?!” roared Atticus. "Melee?" “ARE YOU SERIOUS!? That’s suicidal!” he screamed. ”Say, who are you?” I’m the author. I write the story. Would I put you in a fight you can’t win? “You could if you wanted to!” Atticus replied. Good point. But I am a mildly compassionate author. So I think you should probably use melee. “Alright already! I’ll give melee a try, for crying out loud!” “Are you completely insane?!” yelled Zilyana. “I guess we'll find out!” He replied.”Dragon battleaxe.... 4 strength potions... Rampage!” Kaboom! The monster exploded. Very messily. The wall, Atticus, Zilyana, Blaxwick, and the central pillar with the city on top were covered in internal organs, blood, and marrows. “Thank you, author!” thanked Atticus You’re welcome! “Are you going to follow me everywhere?” he yelled. Well of course I am! But I will give you some privacy if you need to change or.... you know. “Okay!” ”Amazing! Belissimo! I have seen that monster die thousands of times, but never like that! You are amazing, Atticus! And you too, Zilyana! I have never seen such powerful spells!” Blaxwick yelled. ”But there is just one problem...” “What?” Zilyana asked. “Unleash the ice golemns!” Blaxwick yelled. The ice began to crack. Transparent knights with spikes sticking out of their armor came out in an indescribably weird way. They just melted out of the ice, like water dripping from a wet ceiling. They wielded every type of weapon known to RuneScape. And some not. “For crying out loud!!” muttered Zilyana. ”Charge!” They ran toward the golems. “I never wanted to use this, but they leave me no choice!” yelled Atticus. He unsheathed his large greatsword on is back- “Where the _____ did that come from!”he yelled. It's a gift. If you waste it, something very bad will happen. He then rushed toward a golem holding a longsword. Atticus twisted his arm around, slung the sword over his shoulder, and catching the hook at each end of the end of the sword at the edge of the golem’s sword, flung the icy longsword at a group of golems, destroying them. “Dragon twister!” Atticus yelled. He swung his sword. A burst of wind compressed to the point of a blade cleaved through a group of golems. Um, Atticus, I think we should go to Zilyana. “Why? I haven't been this violent with a melee weapon since the great Yew N00b invasion of Avarrocka!” I've given you a bit too much attention. I mean, watching you kill 10 golems per minute is intensely violent, but as they say, Ladies first! Unless the main character is male! “Why not go to her? I'll kill golems as if my life depended on it. But then again, it pretty much does!” Meanwhile.... “Well it's about time!” Zilyana yelled. “Dragon bomb!” Suddenly, all Ice Golems within a 30 foot radius of her melted into water. That just so happened to be all of them. Then a strange thing happened. The water from the golems shot through the air and joined with other melted golems and turned into an exact replica of the ten winged dragon that they had fought just before. And, to make things even worse, the residue from the dragon had been sucked into the frosty monster's mouth, merging with it to create a duplicate of the original dragon! Albeit it was 4 times the size, and various parts of it were made of ice! Then it raced for Atticus. There's only one thing I can think of she thought. It opened its jaws. Atticus tried to run, shooting fireballs on the way, but he was about to be eaten. No one could doubt that, when suddenly Zilyana ran into the mouth of it. Suddenly, there came the sound of somebody yelling the word ”Phoenixflame!”. Then the monster exploded. “Aw _____, that was the Professor Doctor's last surplus dragon! Oh well, I'll just have to see Doctor Professor. Or Commander commander. Too bad about the girl though!” Blaxwick noted. “She was my sister, Zilyana! She sacrificed her life for me! Why! Why!”he cried. “You know, you can stop crying now.” said a familiar voice. “Zilyana! You're alive!” He cried, hugging her. “Belissimo! You have passed the test!” Blaxwick interrupted. “Clear!” he called. A tree suddenly grew out of the pillar, hit a spike, and turned into a bridge. ”Come on!” he called. ”We have to be at the Central Sanctum by sunset!” Chapter 2: The Central Sanctum of Eisenmeteor City I think it's fair to say that Eisenmeteor city was beautiful, amazing, and mind rending. The buildings looked as if they were made of quartz, and tall, beautiful golden trees with tree houses built on them, connected by suspension bridges, arced up to the ceiling, where a glowing orb hung from the ceiling, suspended by tubes coming from walls and buildings. They marveled at these, and many other wonders, until they came to a large, 5 story building made of polished white stone. “Welcome to the sanctum!” Blaxwick cried. They went in the building. The walls were lined with shelves, covered in things that defied explanation. One was a 2-d sword that looked like a bladeless hilt. But it was extremely sharp. They walked up the stairs. Atticus noted that the building seemed to be bigger then it looked from the outside. Mages were practicing magic, using spells that were ancient when RuneScape was new. (Now, this was in the third age of runescape, so these must have been some pretty amazing spells!) They then came to a large, studded door. They entered a large, circular room with trees growing from the floor. A robed man with a huge beard who held a staff with a gold 4-pointed star sat at the top of the large throne in the middle. “Lord Saradomin!” Zilyana and Atticus gasped. ”Why have we been summoned here?” “Because if I didn't, this story would be pointless! And, of course, to recruit you!” Saradomin replied. “Recruit us? Why?” “Because you have a strange mysterious power that rivals mine! And it is your destiny!" “What power?” “An ancient power that was given to you by a deity even greater then me! This deity's name is.... well, I can't say it for security purposes, but he is mostly known as... THE AUTHOR! And you were given a power that could make Zamorak run back to whatever forsaken hellhole that he came from! It is called...” he paused for dramatic effect “The power of the Main Characters!” “Like in a story?” Zilyana replied. “Well of course! We are in a story on some website somewhere! Didn't you notice?!” “Well yeah, "The Author" did come to me and tell me to use melee to destroy the dragon, which I thought was suicidal, but it is his story, but before that, nope.” replied Atticus. “Say, can't we invite Bolzak over? We could all be Knights of Saradomin and-” "Absolutely not!" Saradomin replied. "His path is his own, and he cannot even lay eyes on this city! He would rather destroy it than enjoy it!” “I know. But he has a good heart. He has always protected us. And besides-” “You know, his magic energy manifests itself like this!" Saradomin said, an orb of energy appearing in mid-air. “What in the name of the all that is pure and good is that gawdaful thing?!!” Atticus and Zilyana both screamed in fear and revulsion. They then barfed profusely. “You're right. I have made many discussions with wizardologists about things such as this, they have described it as: hideous, an abnormality of the physical nature, pure evil, a corrupted vessel, a pile of _______ ________, but gawdawful is the best I have heard so far! And a little more evidence of his evilness....” The orb changed ,and it showed all of Bolzak's atrocities, Oh, the painful memories. Atticus remembered Bolzak's atrocities, such as Bolzak giving them hanging wedgies. From a cliff on Ice Mountain. Above Black Knights that were going to murder them with no second thoughts, Bolzak making them wear ridiculously frilly swan costumes with glue on the inside. (Actually it was a magical ointment that made them actually merge with the costumes and have the costumes become their skin for a week). The only good part was that they could go flying. But then Bolzak entered them into one of the dance pageants for Varrock and they had to dance. This also seemed to be a favorite of Bolzak's. He did it several months a year, actually. They began to get used to it. He did a variety of other costumes, but the swans were his favorite. The only reasons that their parents weren't mad at him was that they liked the dancing, and they thought that they looked good in all the strange, outlandish costumes Bolzak made them wear. Bolzak shortsheeting the bed, Bolzak making them drink strange tinctures that turned them into tree spirits, werewolves, giant reptiles, goblins, and other weird creatures that they later beat the heck out of him with (they still had some of those, but some were just too unnerving. Like the Demonic potions), Bolzak gluing them to the bed, paralyzing them, flushing them into the Varrock sewers, using teleother spells to send them to Guthix knows where, and killing them once. Thank Guthix for necromancers! Let's not dwell on Bolzak's horrifying punishment. I won't say anything except: “you know how cats are said to have 9 lives?” And most amazing of all, he managed to get away with 54% of his evil tricks. “Okay, so I lied. But he is my brother! Have you heard the saying: 'I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy?'” “Yes. You are quite noble. But I shudder think of what horrifying trouble Bolzak is getting into at this moment....” “I do too.” agreed Atticus. “But, on a lighter note, there is much to do. Come.” Chapter 3: No one can stop me! No one! “Argh!” Svinborg the Valorous screamed, his body writhing in pain. “A-argh!” he screamed again, his hand reaching for his God Hammer. He couldn’t touch it. “Come on, ‘mighty Svinborg’, put up a good fight! Is it really so hard?” sneered an evil-sounding voice. “You are evil! You poisoned me! I cannot move, so you are killing me! But I have...” he grinned, a smile coming over his face, ”The favour of the War God!” A lightning bolt hit his hammer. It glowed red and he yelled in pain. “Pathetic.” muttered the voice, and the man it belonged to swung his hammer back like a baseball bat. Kabam! Svinborg was sent flying. “No one can challenge me! Nobody!”exclaimed the voice. Its owner stepped out of the shadows, revealing Bolzak. “What's this? He dropped his God hammer! I wonder..... and, true to the nature of a runescape player, he grabbed a passerby, crushed him with the hammer, took all his runes, and all other useful items on him. He started toward the seemingly now-doomed city of Varrock, leaving a trail of destruction behind him.... meanwhile..... Saradomin, in the shape of an old man, brought them to a small birthing chamber in the tower. “Atticus, I bring you your Kirin, Kyushi.” he said, holding what looked like a small light blue fox, about as big as a dog in his arm. It had an abnormally large tail. “He is an air-type Kirin, though. I know, I know, air is usually the weakest spell," he said, silencing a potential protest from Atticus, “But you would be surprised what a little displaced air can do if you do it right. In some respects, it is even more powerful then fire!” “Majide!”exclaimed Atticus. “Yes, I am serious. But without this, it still is the weakest,” the god said, giving him a decorated gauntlet. A four-pointed star was on one side, possibly acting as a shield, with a little trigger poking out near it. The glove had a swirling pattern a the place where the palm would be. Atticus put it on. The power that was in it was unbelievable! “Argh!” he yelled as the raw, windy power surged through his entire body. His normally long, messy white hair stood on end. He and his greatsword grew in size and power. It was a deep shade of blue, gold energy radiating from the sides. And even though it was the same height as Atticus, and just as heavy, he could hold it in one hand, though the shaft was long enough for two hands. And Atticus was now about 7ft tall. “Also, if you merge with Kitsune, immense power shall come to you. Every single drop of energy in your gauntlet will be put to its full potential. You will become even more transformed then you are now. I hope you never have to use this, for it will vaporize anyone within a 1.5 mile radius of you with a combat level under 27!” “Amazing! Now I should-” Crash! A goblin dressed in red armor and wielding a goblin axe crashed through the wall. “Lord Saradomin! There is an attack on Avarrocka that you may want to see!” “What is it, Slagwood? And next time, use the door.” asked Saradomin “It is being attacked by a man with no known allegiances! And he has managed to amass an army of Zamorakian n00bs! They all have combat levels under 27, but somehow they have managed to destroy most of the city!” “I'll go. I believe I know who did this.” said Atticus in a cold, toneless voice. “This is personal!” he took out some runes. “Varrock Teleport!!” he yelled. And before anyone could stop him, he had teleported to Varrock, Kirin in hand. Chapter 4: That's What You Think, You Ugly Bastard Yes, that is the title. And before you yell out Atticus's catchphrase, yes, I am serious! Geez! Don't you trust my sanity? So, now for the epic battle that I said would happen in the last chapter! "No one can stop me! No one at all!!” Bolzak laughed maniacally. And then a N00b spontaneously imploded. But who cares? He was an idiot anyway. Like most N00bs, except for my good friends Acidwire4 and Bojiggler9, who are real accounts. I mean, N00bs are such idiots that they make me look like a genius or Warrior of the highest level for writing this. And best of all, I can't get reported for this! (I hope. But I don't quite believe in that anymore, I've moved on to being what my friends at the Runescape Wikis call a “Noob Protector”. Although I'm a part-timer that hates higher levels being called noobs in particular) I'm a genius! But back to the story... Several more N00bs imploded. Bolzak didn't care. Then twenty more imploded, each implosion increasing in violence and destructive power. Then, as ten more exploded- “What the hell is making them implode!” he screeched. “Oh well, no one can stop me! No one!” “That's what you think, you ugly bastard!” yelled Atticus. “Who dares interrupt my conquest! In a moment, all of Varrock will be mine! Mine I say!! All mine!” Bolzak arrogantly yelled. “Shut up!” yelled Atticus, standing on a rooftop, Saradomin Sword ready. “You can't stop us with that butterknife! Die! Die!” the army rushed toward Atticus. “I didn't want it to come to this.... But you forced me to do it!!!” yelled Atticus. “They didn't force you to do it at all!” screamed Kitsune, his eyes bugging out. And so the Bobobo-bo-bo-bobo-ish weirdness began. “Super Tokugi: Takoyaki barrage!” yelled Atticus. Why he said it in italics I will never know. Then suddenly the earth shook. ”What was that?” asked a n00b. ”Could it possibly have something to do with Atticus's attack, whatever it is?” “Well, I wouldn't know what the attack is, considering I can't speak Japanese,” replied another n00b. “10.... 9..... 8...... 7........ 6....... 5........ 4......... 3......... 2......... 1....... Zero Hour!” yelled Atticus. And then something extremely random happened. A huge Japanese-style version of the Cook's guild slammed into the N00B army. When the N00Bs awoke, they found themselves sitting at tables in a restaurant, waiters asking them what they would like. A large, muscular chef wearing armor that looked sort of like it was made from bamboo, but, upon closer inspection, was revealed to be entirely made from sticks of dynamite. A badge on his chest, the detonator perhaps, read “Chef Blitzcraig.” Get it? As in Blitzkrieg? Atticus and his Kirin sat in the most comfortable booth, which was on a balcony, reading Shonen Jump. They were laughing. “Now what could the Don Patch extract.... Holy crap! It makes you think like Don Patch! Are You Serious!” Kyushi guffawed. “Yeah! That is one messed-up attack! Panties? Stupid Prince? Spicy? You can't be serious! I mean, look at Fist of the Wild Dance of the Infuriated Jelly! That's idiotic! I've never seen such angry jelly!” “How the hell did you get a subscription to Shonen Jump in Runescape? How!” asked a N00B who had asked for sushi, and was devouring it, and his rice ball wrapped in seaweed. “Oh well, once I finish my sushi, you shall die and I shall take that rare item!” “Did you know that sushi is actually raw fish? And that rice ball is wrapped in seaweed?”asked Atticus. “Did you hear what I-Holy crap! Are you serious?!”the N00B responded. “Yes. I am serious. Don't you trust my sanity?” “No! But I don't trust the chef's sanity! I mean, he serves raw fish! Raw fish! And this rice ball is wrapped in seaweed! I mean, what idiot would serve that!" (Apologies to anyone of Japanese descent, or anyone that likes Japanese cuisine. I really like Japanese food, and so do Atticus and his great times- well, about 250 times grandson, Haru. This just means that this N00B bastard hates it! And something very bad will soon happen...) "Oh shit! this will not end well! You've insulted Chef Blitzcraig! This will not end well! Pasta la vista, baby!" exclaimed Atticus. "You insulted.... My Cooking! My cooking level is 100! This is unforgivable! Die, swine!" screamed chef Blitzcraig. "Fire Strike!” he lit the fuses on his armor, and pressed the badge and yelled- “Blitzcraig kamikaze nuclear war!” The explosion was tremendous. People mining the rune essence in the far north were able to see it. The explosion destroyed almost every N00B in runescape, sparing only those in mid-teleport. This event, known as the great N00B screw-up of Lumbridge, sent people with levels ranging from 35 to 126 running and teleporting away from N00Bs trying to sell bronze items for exorbitant prices ranging from 8000gp to 99,999k, annoying the shit out of people, and saying stuff like “Giv me al ur stuf r i wl report u!”, existing, pestering people, and worshiping people who had Black armor, because in their weakened states, it was as valuable as dragon armor. On quote from one N00B: “OMFG u have black armor can I have it Plz Plz Plz Plz! I'm begging u! Thats the best you can get Plz Plz Plz....” You get the idea. Do not worry, great friends of mine, Bojiggler9, Zamorakknght, and Acidwire4, I am not trying to insult you. This is just a N00B insulting fanfic gag, people always do it by writing it from the perspectives of N00Bs and making them sound like bigger idiots than most of them already are. “And now for Super Kirin Fusion!” Atticus yelled. “Yes, master!” exclaimed the Kirin. “Super fusion mode!” yelled the Kirin. A large plume of smoke appeared. In the place of the Kirin was a rice ball with a fox's tail and eyes. “Mmmmm, a rice ball!” exclaimed Atticus. So he ate the really weird rice ball. “Are you serious! That is disgusting! You ate that? You can't be serious!” the N00B army yelled. “I'll show you serious!” yelled Atticus, now clad in a large blue longcoat, with large metal boots that would seem to weigh a lot, but Atticus had no trouble with them at all, the gauntlet with the four pointed star, and the Saradomin sword, which seemed to have gotten even bigger. “Air Slash!” he yelled, swinging his sword, which sent out a burst of air compressed to the point of a blade, killing multiple N00Bs. “Hey author, shouldn't I be vaporizing N00Bs with my hyper mode?” Yes. But where's the fun in that? “Good point. Go to the Abyss!” he yelled, simultaneously imploding several N00Bs who were going to pester him to death with ridiculous trade offers. And they did go, where the Abyss's dark energy mutated them into abyssal demons. “Are you going to make me create every demon in RuneScape?” he screeched. Pretty much. So? “I'm Saradomnist you bastard! I'm supposed to eradicate demons, not create them!” But our loyal readers love reading these stupid explanations of why the most famous demons in RuneScape were created! “We don't have loyal readers you nincompoop!” We don't? Aw crap... “In the meantime.... Star shot!” he yelled, sending the shield shaped like a four-pointed star out on a bladed chain, which killed 20 N00Bs simultaneously. “Impressive, little brother. But can you deal with the Dark Resurrection?” asked Bolzak, summoning the N00Bs again, who were wearing dark armor, had pieces of skin missing, bones visible, were wielding weapons like handspikes, which were large sawtoothed scythe-like blades pointing down, blade shields, whiplash swords, which were whips with daggers on all sides of it, bronze knuckles, flails, chain whips, kendamas, which are hammers with maces attached, rapid fire crossbows, double shafted swords, battlestaffs, claws, spiked knuckles, and practically every kind of weapon in existence. “Do I have do this all over again?!” yelled Atticus, clearly annoyed. “''Super Tokugi: Majide Barrage!'' And then humongous Japanese characters for the word “Majide” appeared, rushing toward the n00b army from behind. An interesting sidenote is that the catchphrase of Atticus (and his Great-times-250 grandson Haru Axeman) means “Are You Serious?” in Japanese. The characters slammed into the opposing forces, giving them awful internal injuries. One n00b, a level 20 named Delrith was somehow knocked into the abyss by the crushing colossal characters, and mutated into a hideous level 27 demon, killed almost daily during the Demon Slayer quest, where players get to use the seemingly lame sword Silverlight to pulverize him. “That's how Delrith was formed?! Are you serious?!” yelled Atticus. I don't know. Are you serious? And then Atticus twitched.'' Damn! he thought. Wait a minute! The swearword filter isn't working at full efficiency! This can only mean one thing... I can't be getting Infuriated! The Infuriation mode could cost me my Varrock poker club membership! I can't lose that! But it's a risk I'll have to take! '' Chapter 5: Baka No Survivors! “You've forgotten about me!” yelled Bolzak, ramming into Atticus, hammer slamming him in the shin. “Gagh!” yelled Atticus, coughing up blood. “Impressive strength from such coward. But I have bad news...” he warned, ripping open his shirt to reveal a strange amulet. It was a sphere made from an unfamiliar blue crystal about 4 centimeters in diameter, but 9 tenths of it were filled with a strange crimson, frothy, bubbling liquid. “Look!” “Oh Zamorak, what have I done!” gasped Bolzak. “the Infuriated God Amulet! You wear the amulet that has caused destruction for years and years!” “Yes, the very amulet that saved me when you killed me! Interesting that the very thing that saved me will destroy you!” The last tenth of the amulet became filled with the red liquid. “Feel the power of anger, resentment, and revenge!” he yelled. And then he was just... well, it seemed he was on fire. The odd thing was, the fire was blue. His already large sword grew. And he grew more fox-like. There were ears that looked like they should be on a fox just above his forehead. Deep whisker-marks appeared on his cheeks. His pupils grew to slits,. “Blah blah blah. You might be radiating power, but you're still my weak brother! I'll pulverize you!” yelled Bolzak. He pulled out a bottle of poison, rubbed it on a longsword, and stabbed, punched, kicked and slashed Atticus, killing him. His funeral was beautiful. Flowers were decorating his coffin. Bolzak was about to disrespect his brother's memory by putting the swan costume which he hated so- ”Don't even think about it!” yelled Atticus, his gauntleted hand grabbing Bolzak's, crushing it in the process. “What the hell! I killed you! You should be dead! Why aren't you dead?” “I'm the main character you bastard! I can't die! And, to punish you, I summon us to Powerfully Painful Pinball!!!" Suddenly, with the snap of a finger, or maybe claws, they were transported to a strange space-like dimension. “What is this place?” asked Bolzak, still holding his crushed hand. “The Grim Reaper's pinball machine, where Death will toy with your very life!” “Wha-Argh!” Bolzak yelled, slipping into a very painful ball-shaped pose. The Grim Reaper walked over to the pinball machine, where he then put a gold piece in the machine. “Here I come!” yelled Atticus, swinging his sword, and using it to smash Bolzak into about 10 pinball posts. It didn't hurt at the time. Bolzak rolled back down. Atticus smacked him, yet again. Bolzak shot toward a large, black, evil-looking toilet. “Oh my Guthix! You've fallen into the Toilet of Terror!” Atticus gasped in mock horror. “And its about to be snaked!” “Eyargh!” yelled Bolzak, being chased by a large black serpent. “And now for the super-mondo atomic flush!” cried Atticus. “Wurgh!” screamed Bolzak as a tornado came out of the toilet. You know Atticus is going to win, or else nobody would be walking in Varrock. But, to prolong Bolzak's agony, I'll keep it going. Bolzak was flung out, and he smashed against the walls. And then.... “Piano of pain!” yelled Atticus as a piano smacked into Bolzak. Something was playing a horrifyingly bad tune on it. And then Bolzak got stuck under the keys, which all had daggers attached to the ends of them. “It's a Melody of Malady!” cried Atticus. He was crushing Bolzak. This really hurt. “I have only one attack left, so feel the fury of it! Return to normal... So I can pulverize you! Super sword shoot!” Atticus yelled. Multiple swords shot out, like some sideways hail, some impaling Bolzak. And then the world around them turned back to normal, at Bolzak's defeat. All was well. Just not for Bolzak. He was completely and utterly defeated. “This isn't over!” “It's over. Admit it. This sibling rivalry is done, and your attacks are about as effective as single-ply toilet paper!” “It is not over! It is not over-....” Bolzak started to mutate and change, into a hideous, describable.... Nobody ever saw them again, but they saluted Atticus for saving his home city. Chapter 6: Have You Ever Played RuneScape? Chances are, yes you have. '' ''And I trust that you have solved lots of problems for NPCs? And unlocked a multitude of places to explore? Probably. Is your character half-demon? Is none of your clan entirely human? Do you get recruited for an odd amount of random quests? Do you have unnatural strength? Have you turned into strange creatures? Have you cut a deal with Death? Have you fought a war between NPC's and players? Do you have inhuman ferocity and strength? Have you jumped from world to world using nothing but the flames of Lloigh-enn (login), an ancient device, and sheer bloody-mindedness? Do you have an ancient set of armor? Do you have an ounce of sanity to read this? Am I sane enough not to continue this maddening story? Will I stop asking annoying questions? Completely improbable. However, in this story, the improbable, the 0.000000001-percent chances, the things that cannot, will not, must not happen do happen. Everything has a purpose in this story, even the weirdest things. All things have a purpose, a ''Raison d'etre,(French for reason to be) and will very probably appear soon.'' Melonhead. Chapter 7: More Lunacy?! Two ages later... Kaboom! The house on the outskirts of Falador exploded, with two small figures, about 3 feet tall, running from it, a boy wearing a leather jacket and ripped shorts, and a girl wearing a pink dress. “How much time do we have?” the girl asked, her newly snow-white hair, her red eyes glinting. “I don't know,” her brother replied, fear in his red eyes, “but we should just run as if all hell is on our tails, which it pretty much is.” “Well, considering we actually do have tails due to demonic energy, and there's probably not that much time before we're condemned to be living nightmares, and He's chasing us...” “Our souls are pretty much doomed?” “Exactly.” They ran faster, fueled by the knowledge that they would not suffer the same fate as their brothers and sisters. “Argh!” yelled the boy. Two throwing knives had embedded themselves in his leg and his arm. But he kept on, the pain serving as a springboard. Meanwhile, in a forge in Falador... The large, broad-shouldered man stood, smoke coming from his forge. He had gotten an offer by dubious sources for a large order of steel crossbow bolts, ones that would no doubt take him until midnight to finish. He knew it was a bad idea. In Falador, night was downright spooky, haunted by thieves and Guthix knew what else. He had asked his client why he needed so many crossbow bolts, but the client replied with something like: “You have to do this. It's for the good of untold millions.” It was a quiet night, the silence broken only by the sound of an imp's footsteps, gnome gliders and balloons flying overhead, the sound of gangs clashing, and-What was that? Ah well, the man thought. I should go back to these-There it is again! A small rasping noise! Kind of like a boy with the croup! What is it? The man wondered. Is it a demon? A thief? Ah well, I'll look. And so, taking his special smithing hammer, one about the size of a maul, he walked outside, to find- A 7-year old boy carrying a girl on his back? And why's he limping? The man examined the boy's leg. Ah, that's why he was limping. There was a dagger in his leg! And his sister was moaning, and- Were those cat ears on her head? And fox ears on the boy's head? It seemed as if, second by second, these two children were transforming into something unholy! The man was about to throw them out as a manifestation of Zamorak, when a thought came to his mind. They are not evil,''he thought. ''They mean me no harm, but they will if the curse continues! So, he did the logical thing. He called his wife, a woman steeped in herblore. “What's wrong?” she asked. He pointed to the children. “OH MY GUTHIX!” she gasped. “Someone dosed these children with potion Z-257!” “What is-?” “A chemical retrieved from the First Black Knight Order in a combined assault by the White Knights of Falador and the VPSG. Who would do such a thing? Thankfully, I have the cure. A bit of Karamja rum, mixed with some strength potion, and some wolfbane.” “How do you know that will work? I've read almost all your medical encyclopedias, and none of them have anything remotely like that!” “I don't. But I've never been wrong before!” “Oh Guthix." Perhaps I should tell you that the concoction was a success, and the children were cured, not to mention adopted by the man and his wife. The wife was promoted to commander of the newly formed Misthalin Medical Comission. But who were the children and where were they from? This was a mystery that all of Falador pondered. People swore they had seen a mysterious explosion that night, and they connected it to the children. The children were, of course interviewed by reporters, but they refused to comment. The boy and girl were as stubborn as bricks. One reporter swore that it was easier to get a stone to sing than get those children to say a word. It was at that moment when the cobblestones beneath his feet began singing Fergalicious. (no, seriously.) Another reporter said, after noticing the girl's dance class, and their shared lessons in agility, multi-weapon dueling, (like, when a man with a hammer goes against someone with a sword) and magic, they were unusually skilled. they had this to say: "I'm not superhuman, I'm just very good." they both replied And so, they went on, the boy winning every Junior Dueling competition (he was also quickly developing a blacksmith's shoulders, as he liked smithing. Another sidenote is that he had a passion for chemistry and herblore) in Kandarin, the girl too, and the girl being in almost every theater production on the continent, sometimes accompanied by her brother. But who were these children? Where did they come from? Is it relevant to the plot? that, my friends, would be the 10mil question. But I assure you, you will find out! Chapter 8: Untitled 1:59 A.M, November 16 “Groar!” The zombie screamed as its skeleton was shattered by a runite battleaxe. It fell to the ground, spontaneously transforming into a pile of bones and coins. But its killer, Haru Bakamaru Axeman did not care. This zombie was only a part of his Stronghold of security exploration. “Level 2 is no problemo!” he grinned, brandishing his axe as sparks flew around him. Yep, thats Taiki Samazanba's Runescape avatar, Haru Axeman. Some would probably call him an addict, as hardly a day goes by without him playing RuneScape and mercilessly killing something. But something this morning was different from my afterschool jaunts, aside from the fact that he had insomnia, and it was 1:59 A.M. I had the feeling that something very, very strange would happen. Now, you're probably thinking, shouldn't it be 12:00 midnight when you get that feeling of skin crawling, and impending doom? For you people who read too many scary stories, (like me for example!) it should be. But he had been to Root Doctor country U.S.A, Savannah Georgia, visited Cajun friends, Tom and Sam Gautier, listened to the chilling story of Leithla, and found out that the real “witching hour” is from 2 am to 3. So there! And then, at 2 am exactly, a strange thing happened. Very strange! The computer room seemed to have been completely sealed off, like an airtight chamber, for he began to find it hard to breathe. And a strange crackling mist was floating in.. At first, he paid no heed to the lack of air, until he began to wheeze. Everything mechanical was short-circuiting. And then, when he saw the mist, Taiki's jaw dropped, for he believed his time had come. And then the computer got closer... and closer. .. Babam! Taiki was flung through the computer, it seemed, and then there was the sensation of a cloth of some kind being thrust over him, and he was in some kind of weird psychedelic interdimensional space where it looked like no laws of science applied. he could feel his body changing... clothes shifting... beginning to grow more muscled.... then everything was spinning, the sensation of something heavy slamming into him, getting flung through an invisible gate, with me having no more substance than smoke... he was going through a tight, tight space, and then.... Pow! The sound of something exploding. A plume of smoke flew up. It was him, Taiki was sure. He could feel himself slipping away.... Ka-bam! Yet another jarring impact. He felt different, quite tingly, ready to slay something with the battleaxe at his waist- “What the-When the hell was that there?” he asked aloud. “The same time you got a runite kiteshield!” said a mysterious old man walking toward me. ”you are Haru S. Axeman? “Well, to answer your question, yes, I am Haru Axeman, but most call me Haru Axeman! But I need some questions of mine answered. What is this place? Who are you? Why have I turned into my RuneScape Avatar? And why am I here?” “Well, it is a simple story. I am Saradomin, and I have brought you here, to the Temple of Login! But, to explain as much as possible, we all knew that Zamorak was plotting something, with the help of the ZMI, the Dagon'hai, and all others that serve him. Our fears were confirmed when we discovered Zamorakian players with somewhat darker auras, and a follower of Armadyl followed a Zamorakian to a strange temple. It was under the Black Knights Castle, and somewhat like a rune altar. It looked somewhat like the place that you call 'the login screen'” Then he woke up. Perhaps I, the Narrator, should backtrack a little. The year was 2014. Haru/Taiki was playing RuneScape 3, the latest version of RS, complete with higher level monsters, cooler PCs, better weapons, (guns included) and extreme high-levelness. Zezima had been overshadowed a lot by the fact that skills could now go up to 122, which many people used to beat him. Tai's account, Haru, was level 80, with level 76 strength, his highest skill. Haru's full name was Haru Samazanba Axeman, he had a large, impressive big battleaxe made from Dragon metals, along with a bit of silver, chaos shield, (from elemental workshop IV) granite platebody, and a huge blue dragonhide jacket, one that came with spiky Dragon shoulder armor. But the strange thing is, although Haru was the average avatar height... He was humongous. Or at least his PC's data size was. And Taiki was an exact copy of him. He looked just as much like a freak, considering he was part of one of the biggest cliches ever. He was six feet tall at age 14, with black-tipped white hair, red eyes, big muscles, a bigger heart, and was very smart. At least, he didn't think he applied himself. He studied biology, chemistry, metallurgy, fencing, kendo, acting, and video game programming. With all this, he accidentally created a poltergeist. Oops. Now, the thing people should know is this: most poltergeists are energy caused by the subconscious. And Taiki had learned to control it, after a sharp blow to the... Well, pretty much everything. He was hit by a car, and... Did you see Kingdom Hospital? That episode where the guy gets hit by a car, whose driver does nothing, and then the victim gets dragged by Antubis, a big anteater? And he is put on the operating table of the local hospital, with the people doing surgery on him, and he is awake the whole time, ''and even watches them cut him with a chainsaw or something like that? If not, kindly see youtube. Well, it was like that, albeit there was no large anteater. Taiki was awake the whole time, but when they pulled out the chainsaw, he screamed: “For God's sake, put me on anesthesia! I'm awake you know!” Needless to say, the doctors were shocked and awed to discover that he was screaming in pain when he would be expected to be paralyzed, and that the road rash covering the entirety of his back was nearly gone, with the bones, even the cracked spine starting to heal as well. Everything except the barcode on his neck. Once he explained his genetic history, they partially understood. This is also a true and concise history of Haru Axeman in his home, the realm of Gielinor. I am not saying that I did this, but Haru had completed these many adventures, starting from when he was just starting out, in every other player's eyes, as a nonentity, but in the eyes of his companions, a great friend. In this saga, it describes Haru starting up, as a level 30. I didn't want to start him out as a level 3, as some unsavory....ah, ''incidents happened then. You know, average noob-bullying... Haru is the one, from his realm far across the dimensions, who suggested this to me. He had a hell of a time trying to do it. it involved a lot of magic logs, weird rituals, and... Well, lets just say it was weird. It seems a bit hard to believe, but its true. Or at least semi-true. But who is Haru Axeman? Here's a physical description: He is six-foot eight at his current age of 14, wears leather, any other armor he can get his hands on, a kiteshield, and usually, as the name implies, wields a battleaxe. He has somewhat questionable sanity (although he's calm most of the time, and acts like a regular person when he isn't fighting), tanned skin, a disturbing array of scars, including a really big burn scar on his back, snow-white hair with black tips that looks as if it had never gone within a mile of a barbershop, a blacksmith's shoulders, and an amulet that looked like a dagger hanging on a chain. Another interesting feature is that he has a Saradomin star tattooed on the back of his right hand, a voodoo symbol burned into his left arm, (yes, it was burned into his arm. The symbol is 100% scar tissue, not some kind of weird purple tattoo) because, as his foster father, the forging baron Baron Barron Von Baron, said: “I don't know whether it's Zamorak, Zaros, or some other unholy thing, but something evil is out to get him.” So now you know the build of the hero of the story. But what do you know about his history? God forbid I tell you now. You will find something out sooner or later... Am I forgetting something? Oh yeah, the disclaimer: I do not own RuneScape, nor the various BoBoBo Bo Bo BoBoBo and M.T. Anderson gags in this. Yes, I will be reusing gags from Volume 1. Haru Axeman is my registered main account on Runescape, Acidwire is the property of Acidwire9, Samuel is the property of Bojiggler9, Alan is the property of Alfredo1211, Joe is the property of Joe1239, Dawnofwar is the property of Dawnofwar91, Sakura does not exist in Runescape at present, neither do Kyushi, and Zelda. I do not own any of the many made-up armors in this story, however, if you have an idea, post it in a review, or message me in the game. I'm usually on sometime between 5:30 and 9:00, on whatever kind of time the northeastern United States use. Special thanks to the Dark runescape wiki, who have a database on every mean, lowdown and rotten trick players can pull. Enjoy the story! (Just so you know, when you see Haru and the rest of the gang, its not RuneScape where the avatars are people, the players are still logged in, and being controlled from Earth.) Chapter 9: Meet Our Heroes! Haru Axeman, a warrior and mage, and his brother Kawaru, a magic pure, twin level 30's, were definitely not ordinary. They sure didn't look ordinary. Or, at least, Haru didn't. Let's see what harebrained, violent adventure they've gotten into now.... Oh! They're running through the extremely secure stronghold of security, with 5k on them, rushing for the Fighting Boots on the lowest level! Fighting Boots really aren't that rare, but there's hell to be paid for anyone under level 42 trying to get those. My advice? Go in with 100% run energy. They had managed to get some boots. Haru had gotten fighting type, while Kawaru had rainbow boots. They were scrolling through the quest booklet, when an interesting title popped up. “Rune Mysteries” it said. To start, speak to Duke Horacio. No requirements! How can you turn down something with a title like that? So, they activated Lumbridge home teleport and were transported there. They walked over to Duke Horacio, and confronted him. “Is there anything wrong?” they asked him. “Why yes,” he replied. “I seem to have gotten control of an artifact that is capable of what most dream of. To create runes! Take it to my friend Sedridor. He lives at the wizard's tower!!” Now, as most know, the dirt path I have dubbed “The Goblin Path” that starts behind the Lumbridge general store, winds past H.A.M. headquarters, and the jail, is the quickest way to the wizard's tower. But it is also fraught with goblins. But these bold un-N00Bish level 49's were willing to make the perilous- Oh, come on, goblins in Lumbridge are level 3! Haru and Kawaru could kill them without thinking about it! So, they walked to the Wizard's Tower, and talked to Sedridor. After a brief teleport, they had teleported to Varrock. After finding the shop that Sedridor's friend, Aubury, owned, they gave him the notes. “Extraordinary!” gasped Aubury. “This will allow us to discover the secrets of our Ancestors! Well done, my boy! Judging by the notes, I would say you go to the Rune Essence mines, and then the Air Altar!” So, with Aubury's cry of “Seventior Disthine Molenko!!” they were off. And, a split second later, they were freezing. “Where are we?” asked Kawaru. “The Essence mines, perhaps.” replied his brother. ”But I don't see any mine icons. Could we be off co- Gack!!” yelled Haru, falling through a sheet of ice. “Ha ha ha!!” laughed Kawaru. “Wait a minute....” Haru's slide had revealed a large, deep pit, with walls almost impossible to climb. Ramshackle buildings were standing near the edge, the ruins of many more littering the ground. Scaffolding crept around huge gray, yet radiant, obelisks. Walkways snaked through the pit. An entry to a mineshaft was nearby. Kawaru jumped in. “What is this place?” asked Haru. “I'd say an old mining town. But something is off. Its like everybody just.... upped and left.” his brother replied.”There is a bar over there, a mining shop, and a giant crossbow. Crossbows that size haven't been used since the early years of our age, around when the Wizards' Tower was burned by Zamorakian arsonists. This place is old. Very old. But what drove them away?” “Haven't the foggiest idea. But let's try mining those rocks. Maybe we will have something interesting.” Haru replied. They struck the rocks with their pickaxes. Suddenly something gray appeared in their inventory pouches. They mined until the gray stuff took up almost every space in their inventory. “Let's use this to create air runes.” Haru said, quite suddenly. “What?” asked Kawaru incredulously. “You heard me. In my Skill Guides, it says this is rune essence. So, if it is the essence of runes, why can we not create more runes? Also, if it works for air, why not mind, chaos, body, death, fire, water, earth, and so on?” “Good point. Let's get back.” Kawaru replied. “But if we go to the Air Altar, wouldn't that mean going through the trans-Varrockian wilderness?” “Oh... Hadn't thought of that.” replied Haru, teleporting away. Chapter 10: The Experiment The trans-Varrock wilderness was a place of utter horror. It is that mysterious wilderness between Varrock and the barbarian village. Most avoided it. But Haru did not. Were they crazy? Were they brave? They weren't brave. Just crazy. Anyways, they were right in the middle of nowhere, starving, and seriously tired. Possibly even hallucinating. Once, they had seen a tall man wearing a cobalt 3rd Age set of armor, holding a magnificent shining golden sword and-his most disturbing feature-looked frighteningly like them. He had a pleading look on his face, pointing directly at Haru and Kawaru, as if he was asking them to turn back, trying to speak to them, or both. This severely frightened them. Finally they came to an abandoned house with a clocktower. “Should we go in? It looks abandoned and haunted.” Kawaru asked. “What will the story's point be if we don't go in?” Haru replied. “Good point. Lets go.” They went in. for a dwelling that looked half-destroyed, it was surprisingly well-preserved. The paintings seemed to be looking at them. You've probably gotten the impression that they didn't feel comfortable on the first floor. So they slept in the basement. Which just goes to show you that they were crazy... that night... Haru heard a noise. He thought Kawaru was snoring. Then Kawaru woke up. “What's that noise?” he asked. “I don't know.” his brother replied. “But it seems to be saying something. Listen!” “Who's in my house?” it groaned. “Who's in my house....” “I know you are here!” it suddenly screamed. “Oh Saradomin!” whispered Haru. “I've heard of this! This is the house of Grizelda, the darkest, most evil Zamorakian witch ever!!” “Right you are!” it yelled, grabbing them. Later, in Grizelda's cellar... “Well well,” cackled Grizelda. “It's been a while since I have had such interesting specimens. And level 30's to boot!” “What do you have in store for us?” Kawaru yelled. “Well, I'm going to experiment!”''she laughed. “But what will you do?” “Who knows? But there is one experiment I have never been able to try. It is only possible on a full moon-which just so happens to be tonight!” “I don't think I want to know” said Haru, turning a sickly green as he looked around the room, with its bubbling potions, skulls, cadavers, and other things defying explanation. “Oh, but I'm going to tell you! If I do this right, I'm going to become the first Zamorakian to create a demon! And the first to transform someone into a demon!! I would become the most powerful Zamorakian Conjurer ever! Think of it! The Grizeldan Conjuring school!!” “Saradomin help me, are you deranged?! And the people you are going to transform are...” “You!” I will take a short break now to describe why people put so many torture scenes in books. It is also the reason people write. Why? We like torturing people. If that wasn't so, all books would be quite tame. But back to the story... “You, the one with long shoulder-length white hair and a ponytail!! I have a great idea of what demon to merge with you.....” “Uh, we both have long shoulder-length white hair and a ponytail,” corrected Kawaru. “Okay, the one with the battleaxe.” Haru groaned. “I will fuse you with the Fox Demon Kyushi. He has been lurking in the Abyss for quite some time, and his power is immense. I have no idea where he came from, but with a demon like that, no one will stand in my way! No one!” “Ay Karamja!” groaned an exasperated Haru. Chapter 11: We're All Gonna Die! So, there Haru and Kawaru were, suspended over a seemingly bottomless hole in the floor that looked like a mouth, with a deranged dark witch muttering a stupid incantation. It sounded like: “Uomba boo, shooblebooble, Blaka weeg marg, juggle muggle bluggle, who put the overalls in Mrs. Murphy's chowder...” “Kyushi, I summon you in the tongue of the forgotten language!” She repeated the chat for hours, much to the annoyance of Haru and Kawaru. “And good thing it was forgotten, too,” Kawaru muttered when the fear had long given way to complete boredom. Chapter 12: Taiki, Tairin, and Tengu Now for a cutaway, to build dramatic tension and annoy everybody! I will do this repeatedly. It should be noted that Taiki D. Inoue was not normal. If you don't know why, you didn't read the story. His sister, Tairin (her account was Kaia), who lived somewhere in New England when they weren't traveling, were of Japanese-Polish descent, but once they found out what they were related to, it scared the pigment out of their hair. Taiki and Tairin looked pretty much the same. Same white hair, same light skin, same muscled bodies, were both 6 foot 6 at 13. He, his sister, and their adopted brother from China, Sitsudou Tengu, played RuneScape about an hour or so a day. Sitsudou, or Tengu, as they called him,whose account was “Kyushi” had extremely messy long black hair, was Chinese and still had rough peasant manners. Now, most of the time you heard of ''girls ''being adopted from China, but why did they adopt Tengu? It is a short, sweet story, like a small piece of a candy bar. It was caused, mainly, by 3 things: Idiots, poor parenting, and a raggedy T-shirt. When they were 12, Taiki and his sister were in a remote province of China, going hiking, learning Chinese, and visiting museums. They were in the town of Zhengshin, (probably not a real town, I just thought up a Chinese name for a town) which is high up in the mountains. Anyway, they were asked to go back to the surprisingly good hotel they were staying in, when suddenly.... A lanky, scarred Chinese man walked in front of them. “You orphans?” he asked in several different languages, one of them English. “Well, you see, our parents left us to-” The man muttered something in Chinese, and grabbed them, clamping a sickly-sweet smelling cloth over their mouths. They fell unconscious. When Taiki and Tairin awoke, they were in a rundown room, which was absolutely filled with computers, and people on them. They seemed to be playing Runescape. “Oh...” Tairin groaned. “Are we where I think we are?” “Where?” Taiki asked. “Game sweatshop!” They both cursed profusely. “You are right,” said a female voice, its owner stepping out of the shadows. She was Korean, and was holding a whip. “Now get to work!” ''27 hours later... Taiki and Tairin knew their parents were getting worried. He was getting worried too. They had to wake up at 5 in the morning, for no reason but to play RS, until 10. At eight, Tairin muttered to her brother, “We're drowning in sheep-dip, now, ain't we?” Then a Chinese boy told them, “we certainly are!” “You are?” she asked. “As far as I know, m'name's Sitsudou Tengu. But call me Tengu.” the boy replied. “I've wanted to get out of here forever!” “We need a plan!” Taiki agreed. “Good. I have an idea.” “Which is?” Sitsudou asked. Taiki told them. “Brilliant, Ace!” she said. “Amazing!” “It goes into effect tomorrow! Now we have to bide our time...” Taiki logged on to his true, level 24 account, Haru Axeman. "Acidwire!" he messaged to his level 20 friend. "Yes?" Acidwire replied. "This is urgent! First, email my parents and tell them this! Do you know a Mod?" "Ya. His name's Omega Zer0. Why do you ask?" "You know how I was taking that trip to China?" "Ya. Did you know China is game sweatshop capital of the world?" "I'M TRAPPED IN ONE!" "Holy ****! Majide, Majide, and furthermore, Majide!" "Yes, I'm serious! Now call him, and ask him to use the Rs-lock!" "You mean..." "YES! CODE CUSTARD EMERGENCY LEVEL! Oh, and there'll be an explosive surprise soon...> "What do you..." Haru Axeman has logged out. “Oh god.” Acidwire's owner muttered, and called the Mod. Several minutes later, the game sweatshop exploded. Nobody knows exactly why. But there were 3 plausible reasons: Taiki/Haru, Tairin/Kaia, and Sitsudou Tengu/Kyushi. Any questions? Anyway, Taiki acted normal, he did other things besides RuneScape. He, along with his brother and sister were some of the few kids in the school that actually read for fun. Their hometown, Lake Smogascoggin, which is somewhere in New England was 77% normal. It had a couple ski areas which were both over 4000 feet tall, one with a bowl, about 20 restaurants, most on Main Street, a six-level arcade, complete with laser tag, a waterpark, quaint little shops, big houses, a railroad museum, and anything in a small town that was kind of off the mainstream. The three things that set it apart, however, were the tall hospital, which was built upon the wreckage of 2 fires, the nuclear power plant, and last but definitely not least was the enormous 12-story Science Ministry, complete with Jupiter-C rocket in the courtyard, planetarium, aquarium, tower with lots of weather-related instruments, medical research lab, electron microscope and the door hidden inside the large cupboard on the floor, which was closed due to budget cuts. That door was where Taiki was heading that day... Chapter 13: Sakura Yes, its a cutaway from a cutaway! A large fox, about 7 feet tall and 15 feet long came out. It looked as if it had once been magnificent and noble, but now it was magnificent in its awfulness. It had sharp, piercing green eyes, Oddly the same color as Haru's, even sharper, jagged fangs, bristly, spiky red-black fur, nine huge tails burning with black fire, long, jagged black claws, and.... it was horrifying! First, lets get something straight. When your soul is about to be swallowed by an evil demon fox from the Abyss, which will leave your body an empty husk, you scream so loud its like huge bold words written in Arial Black taking up all of the space on a bleached pale-white page. For example: “Eeyargh!” See what I mean? But back to the story.... Haru screamed in terror. I think we got past that, so I won't write it. As you know, Haru's soul is about to be swallowed. In fact, its being swallowed right now! It sounds sort of like this: Shloarp!! All the color was draining from Haru's body and armor, in a strange continuous black, green, red, white, slightly tan, and gold stream of color. “No, brother!” Kawaru cried. “Its only your fourth chapter! You can't die so early in the story! Don't die! I'm begging you! Don't let your soul get swallowed!” To put it bluntly, it was too late. Haru's soul had been swallowed, leaving him a husk that was as white as a goat. “Brap!” Kyushi burped. And Kyushi's body was transforming into Haru's.... Meanwhile, in Haru's mind, which is sort of like Bobobo's.... Kyushi rampaged through the vibrant hallways of Haru's mind. He had entered through the subconcious, rampaging past guards that looked a lot like something from something familiar... from the God Wars, maybe? He had fought in them... but not for Zamorak, who he now served.... But he payed it no heed. He smashed through the halls, corrupting the halls he ran through, until he reached a large door with the words “Void Room” embossed on it. He smashed through there, finding a large cylinder in the middle. It was a strand of DNA, with blue flames surrounding it. Haru was cowering near a wall... Then Kyushi noticed a strange thing. The flames were familiar somehow. So was the magic energy print... Wait. How did he know what a magic energy print was? What was he feeling? These were.. familiar... And so, for the first time since the 3rd Age of RuneScape, Kyushi began to have actual thoughts, dreams, emotions. A long-buried memory stirred in his mind... “Never forget me....” whispered a voice from nowhere. “Kyushi's eyes opened. “Atticus! Didn't you die when Bolzak used memory death on you?” “No....” it answered, fading away. And then, outside of Haru's head.... “I will not!” Kyushi screamed, the spitting image of Haru, except the hair was a bristly red-black. “I am not a demon! I have thoughts and emotions! I have a heart, and I serve the great god Saradomin, not the pitiful walking shadow Zamorak! I have free will!” “Rubbish,” snorted Grizelda. “You are my creature, not this newb's! “He does have free will!” Haru cried, in all his shining glory, the admantite polished to almost a blinding sheen, and the battleaxe razor-sharp. His hair was so white it was nearly blinding. “He spared my life, and he is a loyal Kirin to Saradomin! He was just corrupted in the Abyss!” “Are you alive? He swallowed your soul!” she screamed. “Yes, I'm still alive!” Haru screamed in an annoyed voice. “But we are seriously annoyed with you!” Kyushi and Haru advanced forward menacingly. “I'll teach you to mercilessly experiment with innocent people!” Kyushi growled like a feral beast. “Rubbish! Flames of Zamorak!” screamed Grizelda. Immediately purple flames shot out of the ground. They shot toward Haru, but Kyushi jumped into their path at the last second. This is the kind of thing that would kill somebody, but Kyushi was immune to abyssal attacks, so both lived. Haru and Kyushi jumped into the air, near the ceiling, joining their right and left hands together. “You are going to seriously eat crow! Die!” screamed Kyushi. “Abyssal flame!” “Air blast!” Haru yelled. And then the black abyssal flames turned into huge, black-flaming ravens, shooting at her, some going in her mouth, choking her. “You fools!” she rasped. A strange red-black fog was seeping out of her mouth. “Did you think that would stop me?” “No. just pulverize you,“ Kyushi replied. “Now, Kawaru!” Kawaru broke out of his chains. “Can I trust you?” he asked Kyushi. “Yes!” Kyushi replied. “Saradomin Strike!" they all yelled. The energy of Saradomin smashed Grizelda into the wall. "No!" she yelled, the red-black mist flying out of her body, creating an unnerving fog. "This isn't over!" hissed a menacing voice. When the fog cleared, where Grizelda was, a teenage girl with indigo eyes, tanned skin and a cascade of black hair, about the same height as Haru, wearing hardleather, a admantite dagger, and a crossbow strapped to her belt, holding a longbow, with lots of arrows and bolts in a pack strapped to her back. "Thank you! You saved me from being possessed by Grizelda!" "Who are you?" Haru asked. "My name is Sakura Blackwood, daughter of Baron Theophilus Montgomery Blackwood, the owner of Blackwood Fletching, specialist in Ranged Combat and magic. " the girl responded. "Why the dagger?" "I need to develop other things besides ranging. " "Ah," Kyushi replied. "Say, aren't you the demon I conjured up?" "No. Kyushi replied. "In a sense, I never was. I was born a Kirin with 9 tails, a loyal servant to Saradomin. I don't know how I was transformed, but I remember the words Memory Death, and my master was named Atticus. But I'm wondering how you were transformed too?" "Ah, that! Yes, I was once a normal girl, about 3 years ago. I lived in Falador, where I had a grand house where my father sold his crossbows, arrows, bolts, and bows. We had a subsidiary, Theophilus Leather Corp, based in Varrock, near our business partner, the V.T.A.D. Corporation. We made special, one of a kind crossbows for them, and special gem-tipped bolts, and 'brutal' arrows, which were made only for them, and Full Members. I was going to run him an errand, Guthix knows why, to that shop and to Varrock Castle, as we are Misthalin and Kandarin's top ranged combat suppliers through the Trans-Varrockian wilderness.” “Anyway, I was walking, when I came across this house, the very one we are standing in. It was a derelict, it looked as if it had been abandoned for 200 years! I was tired, so I walked in. I was leaning against a wall, when it crumbled, and I discovered this cellar. There was so much, and I discovered a large two large rooms branching out from here. One was filled with costumes. Many, many, costumes. Reaper hoods, black robes, scythes, Full Camo, full mime, woman's clothes, animal costumes, such as cats, dogs, bats, chickens, cows, rabbits, dragons, birds, and party hats, the infamous fake armor, and other things... it made my head spin.” “And in the second, I found Grizelda, who possessed me and warped me into a hag. I am glad the nose wart is gone, as young, foppish men fell over themselves to court me.” “Amazing!” Haru gasped. “This costume room... we must find it! The society of Varrock and Misthalin will gasp when they see us at drop parties!” “Its over there, hidden behind that wall.” she replied, pointing to a wall. “Allow us.” Haru and Kyushi said, flicking their clawed fingers. The wall crumbled to dust. “Since when do I have clawed fingers?” Haru asked Kyushi. “I must have given some of my essence to save your soul, which may have mutated you somehow. Look at a mirror.” Haru did. He saw small, virtually unnoticeable, red triangular whisker-like marks on his face, felt small ears on his head, ones that weren't quite visible, and, thankfully, there was no tail. “whoa.” he gasped, taken aback. “You will, however, be able to fuse with me and access various states of transformation” Kyushi replied. “Enough of that! Look!” Sakura pointed, revealing Grizelda's monumental costume room, revealing the treasure trove she had mentioned. The costume room was amazing, more costumes than you would think possible. So that's how our heroes met, how Haru cured a Kirin and absorbed some of his power. Haru grinned. “This will fill our costume rooms to the point of bursting!”it, found the Rune essence, and saved a ranger from being trapped for all time as a witch wearing a despicable costume. All in 27 hours. But what was coming next would shock Runescape forever! Chapter 14: The Durial “Tenkamashinken!” Haru yelled, smacking his axe into the black knight's chest armor. A large scythe of wind, supercharged with blue lightning, smashed into the evil knight inflicting mass damage, or at least 18lp worth of it. The black knight died. “How are you doing, Kyushi?” Haru asked. At that moment, a huge blast of black flame as big as a train roared by, incinerating at least 5 black knights. “Cool.” Haru said. And then a barrage of arrows flew at more barbarians, killing them. It had been a year since Haru had discovered Kyushi, and been merged with him to save his life. He, and his companions made their money by questing, beating monsters, PKing the crap out of everything, the occasional random event, and winning drinking contests, even though Haru was 13 years old, and level 37. This was one of those bouts of inexplicable violence where Haru would literally go into into a drunken rage; drinking beer until his strength level was at the level of 49 out of 37, and destroying almost every barbarian in sight, gaining at least 3k in the process. I'm going to make an educated guess, and guess that you're wondering where Kawaru is. Well, Kawaru took up an internship at the Varrock Magical Institute. I will tell you what happened later. Actually, he's been written out of the series, and we will probably never see him again! Then, breaking the monotony, an incredibly disgusting monster flew overhead. “Give me the Daughter of Zanaris!” it yelled. Haru threw his axe, smashing it into the creatures brain. It transformed into a pile of big bones and 7k. “Well, that was a first.” he muttered. Then another flew overhead. And another, until the skies were filled with them. “Give us the Daughter of Zanaris!” they yelled. Kyushi machine-gunned them down with rapid-fire abyssal flames. “I think that's all of them.” he said. Later... After a full day of killing indescribably disgusting monsters, the gang had settled down at the Sakura's mansion. When Haru saw Theophilus, he had expected a dandy, not a large, leather-clad man with weapons strapped on his back. “Well hello, my daughter! Haven't seen you in a while? And who are these two?” her father asked her. “My friends Kyushi and Haru. On more than one occasion, they saved my life. And I have saved theirs.” “Well, anyone who saves my daughter on more than one occasion is a friend of mine!” her father replied. So, after a delicious supper of meat pizza, mashed potatoes, with strawberry pie for dessert, and Theophilus allowing Haru, Kyushi, and Sakura to stay at his house, they expected a relaxing night, and a nice, quiet morning. They were wrong. Chapter 15: Twilight Guild Haru stretched his legs. “Ah, what a peaceful nap.” he walked down the stairs to the icebox, took out a bagel and put some butter on it, and then got some eggs and hot chocolate, and wolfed down breakfast. He went back to his room and put on his admantite chainbody, leather gauntlets and waistcoat, his fighting boots, his holy symbol, strapped his admantite battleaxe to his back, his shield to his left arm, and walked out the door for a nice, early morning stroll and a swim in the moat. He figured Sakura would be up in 45 more minutes and Kyushi would be in an hour and a half, considering Kyushi's almost volcanic snoring, which could probably be felt in Varrock. And of course, massacre the night watch, and criminals.... He walked through the city, ripping pickpockets who tried to kill him to shreds, until he came to a fortune tellers booth. Haru placed 10 coins on the desk. “I'd like to know my fortune” he said, beaming. “I foresee a-doom! Doom be unto all of us! We all will die to merciless PKers! Saradomin help us! Why! The apocalpyse! 666! 666! 666! 666! 666! 666! Massacre! Massacre!” the fortune teller screamed. Haru assumed this meant the wilderness. That is practically the only place you can PK. And, since today was June (6th month) 6th (6th day), 2006 (6th year of second millenia), it would happen today. So logically, logically, ''he figured that the most powerfully destructive PKing spree would happen today in the wilderness, but its not safe for level 35s like Haru, so he decided not to go. However, since he came to this conclusion using logic, he did not take into consideration the small amounts of illogic. Many things are illogical, such as cross-dressing, Melonheads, the Pigman, this story, the Bermuda Triangle, ghosts, zombies and such. The Falador Massacre was illogical. It would also happen in 23 hours. ''Later... 2 hours and 2 minutes later, Haru was off with Sakura and Kyushi to Doric's whetstone, and maybe to Draynor to slay vampyres, when suddenly a guy with a saw, clad in leather ran by, yelling “Cursed You has reached level 99 of the construction skill! Massive drop party!” “I for one suggest we go.” Kyushi suggested. “I agree.” Haru agreed. “I agree too” Sakura agreed. So off they went. The party was so amazing. Haru, in the dungeon you can fight people in, won 50 chaos runes, a runite battleaxe and kiteshield due to a bet and that nice dress you win from the “Frog princess” random event. Sakura also won 50 chaos runes, and that nice dress you win from the “Frog princess” random event, but she also got lots of nice girl clothes, which, with Cursed You's assent, put them in her house's costume room. She also put on a dancing show in her finest costume, which was closely watched by Haru and Kyushi. Kyushi ate way too much, which made him overweight, and then he burned the calories off in the fight dungeon. They had a damn good time, and Haru and Sakura made a couple new friends, Samuel XXX, Acidwire Nine, a level 29, and Xanthe XYZ, a level 36. It was the biggest party ever! But sadly, after about 22 solid hours of partying, ''Cursed You had had enough, expelling everybody form the house, including the people in the fighting dungeon. Then, 5 minutes later, disaster struck. Nobody knows how they discovered the ability, but they discovered that they could attack anyone anywhere, and the victims could not fight back! .Haru, Sakura, Kyushi, Samual, Acidwire, and Xanthe also discovered they could do that 3 minutes later, because of an annoying n00b. “Giv m l of ur st00f r ill rport u!” the n00b cried. “Stop it already!” Haru yelled. The n00b didn't. “Why I oughta!” Haru grumbled, activating the “air blast” spell, in the vain hope that it would do something. But, to his shock and surprise, a concentrated gust of air flared up in his hand, and smashed the noob into the Falador bank. Haru got 7k, mithril platelegs, a hammer, a tinderbox, and a gold bracelet. “Majide!” he gasped, his voice trailing off. “Haru, what did you just do?” Sakura asked. “I just killed this noob! In Falador!” he replied. “Holy crap!” Samuel, who had been following them, gasped. “If you killed that guy out of the wildy, then this can mean only one thing!” “Violent PKing massacre?” Acidwire suggested, guessing Sam's thoughts. “You're a mind reader!” Samuel cried. “I'm game.” Haru replied, brandishing his battleaxe. “Me too!” Sakura agreed, unstrapping her longbow. “This'll be fun!” Kyushi grinned, taking out the admantite longsword he kept sheathed on his back, with a wolfish grin. “We PK this day for honor, glory, fun, and violence!” Zelda proclaimed, taking her bone-flail out of her backpack. “Hooray for PK!” Samuel cheered, unstrapping his staff. “To this day we shall be known as the Twilight Guild!” Haru proclaimed. “Twilight Guild!” the rest cheered. Chapter 16: THIS IS MADNESS! Haru and his friends raced to the Falador gates, to see a muscled man wielding an abyssal whip Pking everybody. They joined in, ripping and crushing N00B and mid-level to shreds. The noobs were being sent to Lumbridge at 12 per minute. This event, known as the 'Great N00B Spawning of Lumbridge', sent people with levels ranging from 35 to 126 running and teleporting away from N00Bs trying to sell bronze items for exorbitant prices ranging from 8000gp to 99,999k, annoying the shit out of people, and saying stuff like “Giv me al ur stuf r i wl report u!”, existing, pestering people, and worshiping people who had Black armor, because in their weakened states, it was as valuable as dragon armor. One quote from one N00B: “OMFG u have black armor can I have it Plz Plz Plz Plz! Im begging u! Thats the best you can get Plz Plz Plz....” Looters were having their corpses looted before they could loot another looters corpse, or a regular player corpse, unless they could PK. Haru gained 23k, 45 chaos runes, 78 cosmic runes, a black dragonhide overcoat, and basically a ridiculous amount of everything. Haru even gained full runite, and eventually went up to level 40. Kyushi destroyed everything. Buildings, noobs, guards, players... they all died at the edge of Kyushi's longsword. Abyssal flames burned buildings and grass, and he gained all that Haru did. Sakura shot a hail of enchanted crossbow bolts, ripping players to shreds. She gained a ridiculous amount of stuff, a full set of party hats, an exorbitant amount of money, Elegant Clothes, and lots of rare stuff, such as a disk of returning. Those are ultra-rare. Samuel was unleashing his full magic potential, gaining a fire battlestaff, and a full set of the others. Exactly ''what he got was, and to this day, is a mystery, but he maintains it was “Something cherry blossom would like”. Acidwire crushed players left and right with his warhammer. He used the “earth blast” spell frequently, inflicting 10 hp worth of damage on everything he touched. He gained a damned lot of stuff,which he brought to the bank, and then destroyed everybody in there. Zelda let her bone-flail fly, crushing everything, including skulls. The phrase “Water Blast” was used frequently as it drenched everybody and everything. This seriously hurt. Buildings burned. Those that weren't burning were either being looted or searched for victims. Player Moderators, White Knights, and the Misthalin Royal Army was dispatched to Falador to stop the madness. Citizens, including Theophilus, were evacuated, and Falador was officially declared a war zone. It was chaos. Then, a high-level player, Durial 321, took it to a whole new level of madness. He took it out of the city, going to the barbarian village, with hundreds of players traveling behind, including the Twilight Guild. They massacred every non-PKer who was not following them, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. The corpses of PKed littered the Falador-Varrock road. They walked through Varrock, massacring everybody and everything in their path, with looters following. And then it was on to Lumbridge. “I haven't had this much fun in years!” Haru called, slicing a level 20 in half, somewhere in between Varrock and Lumbridge, taking his runes and money. “Me neither!” Sakura replied, sharpshooting a level 30 to death. The other 4 members of the Twilight Guild agreed, along with some other PKers. They crossed the River Lum, heading for Lumbridge castle. Noobs were slaughtered. So were NPCs. Lumbridge burned, its magnificent castle collapsing and being looted. Remarkably, everything was hurt. A trail of destruction followed the merciless massacre party. Acidwire had gained a granite club, which he attached runite studs to, gladly dealing out concussions, shattered bones, and death to all who crossed him. He had gone up to level 35. Haru was near full potential for the beast attributes he picked up from Kyushi. His new runite battleaxe smashed and sliced against people not in the massacre party, giving him a ridiculous amount of money, XP, runes, weapons, and other items, which he banked at towns they passed through. He had already picked up a lot of costumes, like a chicken suit, a disk of returning, dwarven goggles, dramen staff, full skeleton, a blue party hat, and other strange stuff. His strength had gotten to level 40, and he was now level 48. His defense was now level 38, and his attack was 40. Samuel burned everything. As they passed through the village of Blackmoor, which is between Lumbridge and Draynor, he had single-handedly burned everything in the village. He had gained many items. Tthe massacre party was about to have destroyed all of RuneScape when the mods arrived, apprehending PKers and reporting them, including our heroes. Or at least, they would have, if our heroes hadn't gone to the makeover mage. Chapter 17: Zanaris's daughter. Haru, Sakura, and Kyushi didn't change their looks very much. They stayed as themselves, Kyushi keeping his-or rather Haru's, albeit he had red-black hair to Haru's snow white hair. Haru shaved off the ponytail, because Sakura said it was stupid. He did hang strands of hair over his shoulders, which she approved of. And Sakura didn't change anything at all. But something would soon... However, Acidwire, Xanthe, and Samuel did. Sam got some blue pants and a red jacket, and dyed his hair and goatee red. Acidwire clipped his head to the point of almost being bald, and dyed his goatee black. And Xanthe... well, I'm glad I didn't say who I based her off, because if she got wind of it, she'd confront me in the hall and yell: “You did what!” right to my face. But anyway, she ended up raven-haired, with an odango style haircut. I am not going to tell you what that is. You have to figure it out yourself. She did like it, though. Anyway, something horrifying soon happened. A man dressed in lightweight bronze creeped up to Sakura and put her in a chokehold. “I'm taking this girl to the ZMI for testing and shadowfication!” he yelled. Haru shot him in the face with a Fire Blast. “Gyah!” he screamed, clutching his face. Haru stared at the mass of third degree burns and scar tissue that had once been the man's face. “Well, that was random” he muttered. And then an army of noobs appeared outside the door. “Give us Zanaris's daughter!” they yelled. “Didn't this happen a couple chapters ago?” Kyushi asked. “Yeah.” Haru replied. “Albeit it involved hideous giant bugs” “Okay. Now its time for 'Can't Touch This!'" Kyushi walked out the door, humming 'Can't Touch This.' He planted his admantite longsword in a noobs chest. “can't touch me!” he yelled. Then he cut through another noob, enraging the others. And then Kyushi incinerated them all with abyssal flames. “I hate noobs” he muttered. “Something strange is going on.” Sam pondered. “You say that something like this happened before?” “Yes,” Sakura replied. “And they came after you?” “Correct,” she replied. “This is just an educated guess, but... You might be Zanaris's daughter!” “What? That's impossible!” she gasped. “Nothing is impossible.” Sam replied. “I think we should see your father, Sakura,” Haru agreed. Later... Haru knocked on Theophilus's door. “Theophilus!” Haru called. “there's something I need to talk to you about!” “Which would be... what, exactly? And who are your friends, Haru?” Theophilus replied. A man wearing bronze put Haru in a chokehold. “Give me permission to abduct the daughter of Zanaris, who is right over there!” he threatened, pointing to Sakura. Haru bit him. As you can imagine, foxes have sharp teeth. So Haru caused the man extreme pain, and took away a large chunk of flesh and bone from the man's arm. “Eyargh!” the man yelled, his body flying back to his respawn point. “Any questions?” Haru asked. “I hoped this day would never come!” Theophilus was clearly worried. “I have a story to tell...” In Theophilus's grand room... So, after a short introduction, the story started. Theophilus cleared his throat. “10 years ago, 4 years after you were born, Sakura, I counted myself among the luckiest men in the world. A prosperous fletching company, a large sum of money, a beautiful wife and daughter, a large house, level 78 ranging... it was as if I lived in a perfect world. I remember taking you to your dance lessons...” “Yes, I'm still very good at ballet. I will, for a show at the Varrock opera house sign up for a presentation of the Nutcracker, or something like that. Maybe that nice girl, Kaia, will be there...” Something flickered across Haru's face, something only Kyushi and Sakura saw. “But unfortunately, it didn't last. It had happened a while after Haru's adoptive father sent us a shipment of dragon bolts.” Theo's face darkened. “It was the Great Quarantine that ruined life as I knew it!” “The Shadow Plague?” Haru gasped. “Yes! The horrible day the virus sent from Zamorak infected almost everybody! They closed off Falador to all traffic!” “I heard about all the symptoms,” Xanthe piped up. “The first was a strange laziness. Then extreme anger. And next, a temperature hotter than the Karamja Volcano. Then strange mutations would occur. Horns gradually growing on a persons head... bloodshot eyes, a tail, wings, and others, too strange to mention.” “Yes. It claimed my wife! It nearly claimed you, Sakura!” “What!?” she gasped. “You heard me! But you were saved due to a prophecy a soothsayer said over your birth. She said that you were destined for greatness, so I took you, Sakura, to Zanaris. I battled tree spirits and otherworldly beings to save you!” “And after a week, it worked. I asked the Fairy Godmother to save you from the plague. She did. But her rescue of you also made you her daughter!” “What do you mean?” Sakura asked, although she already knew the answer. “Of course!” Haru gasped. ”It all makes sense! You are the Fairy godmother's daughter... so therefore, you are the Daughter of Zanaris, which makes you royalty, and a fairy at that!” “However, Sakura, your powers are locked,” said Theophilus. “Only the Fairy Godmother, or a similarly large source of power can unlock them. Which means we go to Zanaris. Its a dark, perilous-” “Why don't we just teleport to Lumbridge and go to Zanaris from there?” Xanthe asked. “Okay. That works too.” Theophilus agreed. And so, using Lumbridge Home Teleport, they were all transported to Lumbridge. They then got into Zanaris. Haru, Sakura, Kyushi, Samuel, Acidwire, Zelda, and Theophilus all walked toward the Fairy Godmother's palace. Inside, they found a tall, indescribably beautiful winged woman wearing a large dress. “Welcome,” she said in a musical voice. “I have been expecting you all. Especially you, Sakura, my daughter.” “So... you're my mother?” Sakura asked. “Yes.” the Fairy Godmother replied. “And you have come to ask me to unseal your powers and purify them.” “I have. Besides, it will get the Zamorakian filth off my back.” Sakura replied. “They plan to experiment on me, and possibly make my aura evil.” “Oh my! Then I shall!” the Fairy Godmother responded. “I think I shall also unseal the inner powers of your companions, except Haru and Kyushi. They can already access them.” “Why them?” Samuel asked. “Their contracts were upgraded, which makes them more powerful. And might I add that they make more money?” “She's right.” Haru agreed. “I rake in 12k a day. Kyushi is paid 13k, but that's because he's a punk.” “What?” Sam asked incredulously. “How much am I making?!” "9k.” Haru replied. “Are you serious!” Sam yelled. “Yup.” Haru replied. And then a blue beam of light enveloped Sakura. Haru could see her silhouette. “Her contract is being upgraded!” Haru gasped. “Seriously!” everyone yelled. Sakura walked out. She looked slightly different, her skin and eyes were a bit more luminous, and her hair was glossy, but other than that, there was no real difference. “Well, I feel stronger, but there's one thing that surprises me,” Sakura observed. “Which is?” Theophilus asked. “I didn't end up wearing a costume like in some shojo manga,” she replied. “Actually, you could get one. For commoners, it is a mark of vanity. For royalty... it is definitely okay,” the Fairy Godmother replied. “It just so happens to be stored in this tiara.” she handed Sakura a tiara with a green gem set in it. “Its just in time, for the fairy council is about to start. I can't bring normal people to the council, so I think I will unseal everybody's powers. Just not Theo, because he'd rather go home. Right?” “Right!” Theo agreed. And in a flash, he was gone. The Fairy Godmother raised her hands, and three pillars of earth, fire, and water enveloped Samuel, Acidwire, and Zelda, respectively. “I won't turn into a fairy when I activate my power, right?” Acidwire asked. “Right. Only Sakura will.” the Fairy Godmother replied. “And now to the council. I have a couple of choices of what to wear.” she presented three boxes to everybody. “What's in them?” Haru asked. “The first one holds armor, I think you might like it. Yours, Haru, is the Armor of Faith and Air. Kyushi's is the Armor of Vigilance and Shadow. Samuel's is the armor of Duty and Flame. Acidwire's is the armor of Earth and nobility. Sakura's is the armor of Courage and Nature. Zelda's is the armor of Grace and Water. “The second holds a costume of your spirit animal. You probably won't hate it. And the third... I think I'll let that call to you when it wants to be worn.” “Ah,” Haru replied. “I believe I'll wear the armor, as that third box is not calling to me.” “Me too,” Kyushi agreed. “Definitely me” Acidwire agreed. “I should think it would be obvious!” Sam exclaimed. “I think I'll wear the thing in my third box,” Zelda said. “I'm going to wear my fairy costume,” Sakura grinned. “I think I'll like it. Chapter 18: Twilight armor Haru, his friends, and the fairy godmother zoomed through a long, seemingly endless tunnel to the council. Before I explain the cavernous council hall, and the variety of fairies there, I must explain something that may, by Jagex's storyline, be completely and utterly untrue. There are fairies for almost all kinds of runes, except death. There are fairies corresponding to air runes, water runes, earth runes, fire runes, mind runes, body runes, chaos runes, nature runes, lava runes, dust runes, mud runes, mist runes, soul runes, law runes, blood runes, and cosmic runes. There are life fairies who are the leaders of the Fairy Council. Then the tunnel that was being traversed ended, leaving our heroes and the fairy godmother in a large, cavernous room, filled with floating wooden benches. It was later explained that this wood was called airwood, which, if not properly tended or cut, will shoot up into the air about 4000-5000 feet, creating a somehow self-sustaining forest in the sky. These so-called "sky-forests" have been known to host a large amount of locales thought to be pocket dimensions, such as what I have dubbed "Altar worlds", random event worlds, holiday drop worlds, interdimensional voids and doorways, and Guthix knows what else. And yes, that was relevant to the plot. Somehow.... But back to the story of now... Several large booths dropped out of nowhere. "Yikes!" gasped Zelda. "That was a close one!" "I believe you should get that armor on," suggested the fairy godmother. Haru, Kyushi, Samuel, Acidwire, Zelda, and Sakura stepped in. Even now, I have a hard time describing Haru's and Kyushi's armor, which were pretty much the same, except for the eyeballs. I'll do my best to describe it. Haru's armor was sort of like a kind of sleeveless, extremely long blue and gold coat, possibly made of Kyushi's fur, or something like it, which ended just above his armored boots. A tooled Dragon breastplate sat on his chest. Part of Haru's shoulders were exposed, but there was a kind of sleeve made of the same blue fox fur-like substance, with a little Dragon armor attached, which was a deep shade of blue, not the kind that was close to mithril. And the red-tinted axe it came with... it was huge, about 3 times the size of a regular battleaxe, covered with intricate swirling designs, and it had the symbol of an air rune where the two enormous blades joined. There was a large Ring of Dueling attached to Haru's left arm that looked like it was made of mind armor, but when he asked the fairy godmother, she claimed it was made from chaos armor. Haru's eyes bulged. "Is all this ceremonial?" he asked the fairy godmother. "Without faith, it is. With it, it's as powerful as you could need." she replied cryptically. Kyushi's armor was pretty much the same, except it was jet-black with red trim, and shadows seemed to cling to it. But there were two distinguishing features. One was the fact that after putting it on, Kyushi had about 15 eyeballs. Seriously. There was one eyeball on his breastplate, another on his back, one in his forehead, one on each shoulder plate, one in each of his gloves, one on each of his kneepads, three on each of his boots. And then we come to the most distinguishing one. The Evil Eye, which was on the hilt of his impressive 2h sword, which itself was a deep shade of red-black. The sword was about six feet tall and three-fourths of a foot wide and had a pattern of odd edges, ones that are very hard to describe. This, as you can imagine, is some of the baddest armor featured in this story. Sakura had a heck of a costume. It was green and silver, with a large, flaring, tutu-like skirt, thigh-high boots, and long silver gloves. Large fairy wings were on her shoulders. An elegant bow was strapped to her back. “You, Sakura,” Haru commented, “are beautiful.” But none of them noticed the bored-looking, 14 year old fairy dressed in yellow with a large flaring skirt, the cosmic rune symbol on her shoulders, long blue gloves, long boots with ribbons attached, long gloves that also had ribbon attached, a heart shaped necklace, who had long brown hair and was sitting next to the Cosmic Fairy godmother. Chapter 19: A Long Chapter “This council is a troubled one,” the Queen Fairy called. “A piece of the God Wars has come to our time, and more demons appear each day. A shadow plague wreaked havoc in Kandarin. More demons come each day....” This council will be mind-numbingly boring if I write the whole bleeping thing, so I will skip about one hour ahead. “...Children of Atticus,” the Fairy Queen went on. “Haru over there is a direct descendant of Atticus. And Kyushi, the one with all the eyes, was his Kirin. Haru saved him from possession, which is an even more commendable feat than slaying a demon.” “I have one question,” Haru asked with a look of puzzlement, ”Who in RuneScape was Atticus?” “An ancestor of yours. He fought in the god wars, and against his treacherous brother Bolzak, but quite suddenly, he fell through a plothole.” responded an Astral fairy. Haru gasped. In a story, falling through a plothole was the worst possible thing that could happen. No-one knew what exactly could happen, but they naturally assumed it wasn't good. In fact, a soldier of King Tyras had fallen through a plothole in the Underground Pass, and got booted out of the plothole somewhere in a remote, uncharted area of Al-Kharid. When someone found him, he earned a one-way ticket to Varrock Royal Asylum, which was not exactly run by righteous people. “We believe Bolzak caused the plothole,” the fairy who had spoken before said. “Saradomin help me!” gasped Haru. “A plothole was created?” “That's what we believe,” she replied. “May I continue?” the queen asked. “Go right ahead,” Haru replied. “So, Haru and his friend Sam are actually descendants of Atticus. We believe his other friends are, except for Zelda. She's a descendant of mermaids.” “It's true,” Zelda confirmed. “What? Is anyone in the Twilight guild actually normal!”Acidwire screamed. “Nobody in RuneScape is normal. Nobody,” replied Sakura. And the meeting dragged on like a thousand-pound snail. Then a goblin walked in, screaming: “I claim this place in the name of-” he exploded before he could finish. Then, an hour later, the meeting ended. Haru and his friends were walking out when- “Take me with you!” a female voice called. “Huh?” Haru asked. The girl calling them finally caught up. She was wearing yellow with a large flaring skirt, the cosmic rune symbol on her shoulders, long blue gloves, long boots with ribbons attached, long gloves that also had ribbon attached, a heart shaped necklace, and had long brown hair. “Take me with you!” she repeated. “I can't see any reason not to,” Haru replied. “Who are you, anyway? “Diana of the cosmic fairies,” she replied. “Why do you want to come?” he asked. “Because I want to see the world, and have a life,” was the reply. “But you're immortal!” Haru responded. “That I am. I want to get out of my overprotective mother's castle, away from boring hours of pageantry, away from having to wear dresses the size of small houses, and just being stuck in the castle.” “Ah.” And so off they went, teleporting to Varrock, with Diana getting some leather to wear, so she would blend in. But something was amiss...